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African Culture and Religion Fuel Cruelty to Women
Posted by: Misi Coker on November 29, 2007 Under: Africa, Discussion Lounge, Feature, Nigeria, Opinion
Ami, the newlywed bride walks into the parlor carrying a heavy tray filled with goodies destined to be ravished by her husband’s friends. She serves them all and excitedly takes a seat next to her husband. The men were engrossed in a controversial debate about ‘Nigerian Politics’, Ami, confident about her intellectual abilities to contribute productively, injected her opinion. At the sound of her voice, the noisy room fell into silence. Abomination, how dare she, they thought. They looked at her suddenly, filled with disgust and totally unappreciative of her volatile piece. Before the burning gaze of the seated men, Ami’s husband grabbed her barely giving her time to gain her composure and dragged out of the room. He screamed at her incoherently, saying she should never ever interrupt their conversation after all their religion did not permit women to talk when men are talking. The yelling and beating was the beginning of their marriage…
For most Nigerian women, the culture and religion of the land has turned them into powerless crippled humans in the hands of the merciless males and the law of the land. According to a study, a whooping two-thirds of women in certain communities in Lagos State alone experience physical, sexual and psychological abuse daily. However, this number does not include women who can’t decipher whether what they suffer amounts to abuse or not. Due to the disinterest of politicians and policy makers, our carefree cultural attitude towards abuse, and our women’s lack of awareness on what constitutes abuse, the exact numbers of affected women can not be properly documented.
Yes our culture fuels the ill-treatment of women by failing to provide adequate support for abused women and by encouraging gender inequality. Our culture supports this practice by making it socially acceptable to batter a woman and by expecting a woman to silently endure any ill-fate that befalls her in her matrimonial home. In fact, the only advice a batted woman receives from her mother/ family whenever she vehemently complains about her husband’s beatings is “pele, (sorry) he is only training you”. Our culture prevents the woman’s parents from helping her even when they see the need to because they do not want people to talk about the stigmatized-daughter they are harboring in their home. However, even when a woman endeavors to leave her vicious sadistic husband for her parents’ home, she is sent right back to her husband’s home as quickly as she came. An action taken out of societal-fear of being labelled “incompetent parents”.
The effect of this is that most batted women end up staying in the abusive relationship simply because they have nowhere to turn. Unlike the western world where there are many organizations assisting these women get back on their feet, Nigeria only has one or two of such groups and in most cases have no governmental backing. Also because some of these abused women are financially dependent on their husbands it makes it very difficult for them to just leave him thus they end up staying and enduring the abuse until it eventually takes their life. Sadly, unless you know an abused woman such news is rarely broadcasted because most women are often reluctant to report any form of abuse solely because they do not want to mocked by policemen who probably do not see the wrong in such violation.
I am sure we all heard about the cases of Bariya Ibrahim Magazu, Safiya Hussaini, and Amina Lawal. All these women-victims faced charges of adultery under the Sharia Law. The fact that some of them were sexually assaulted and coerced into sex was irrelevant. All that was required for punishment was the women’s pregnancy and four male witnesses. The women’s punishments ranged from public lashing to death by stoning, a penalty Amina Lawal barely escaped thanks international human right groups’ intervention. On the other hand their male counterparts escaped punishment simply by presenting an oath of denial of the allegations, what this means is men under this law can freely abuse women because the evidence needed for exoneration is simply denial of the affair and lucky for them they do not get pregnant. The basic underlined message is that this law gives men the license to rape and abuse women with the assurance they would never be penalized. As you can see gender-bias-Sharia law fosters abuse. It does not adequately protect women’s rights and subjects them to cruel exploitation. Fortunately this law is only enforced in the Northern parts of Nigeria.
I strongly believe there is still a way we can curb violence against women and that solution starts in our homes. We need to educate our male relations about respecting women. We need to create awareness about the physical and mental dangers of abusing women and we need to let our men know ‘it is NOT “OK” to physically and mentally abuse a woman’.
Muti This
Omotaylor | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
Dear Misi, thanks for your post which highlights the menace of domestic violence in form of physical abuse. Mental and emotional abuse is also included in DV. As discussed in our comments on Pammy’s post, “Are African Women In the Diaspora Wild?” (Nov 15), DV is a serious issue and an ongoing concern.
As per your opening paragraph, I believe this situation is improving especially in the West, East and South of Nigeria (for I am not too sure about the North). Women are now listened to and reckoned with better. Gone are the days of “women should be seen and not be heard syndrome”, and we pray that this improves and filtrates into the North of Nigeria as well.
Frederic N'sienie | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
While I agree with the underlying message which is the end of abuse of women by men in the marital relationship, I want to bring to the attention of the author a couple of thing:.
How can you jump from a headline that reads
Headline: AFRICAN RELIGION AND CULTURE FUEL CRUELTY
[Even we know that you are not really about to talk about African religions as there are many African religion, the religion or religions you are referring to are not African, they are from the East[Islam & Judaism] As far as culture is concerned, there is not yet a Nigerian culture per say, how do you get to an African culture.Cultures vary within Nigeria and accross Africa. So could you precise whose and what culture(s) you are refferring to ?]
To ,”According to a study, a whooping two-thirds of women IN CERTAIN communities in Lagos State ”
[now you say certain communities which goes to say that not all communities in Lagos State[ goes without saying Africa]are abusive toward their women
“Yes OUR CULTURE fuels the ill-treatment of women by failing to provide adequate support for abused women”
Again whose and what culture ?
“Unlike the western world where there are many organizations assisting these women”
A lot of African cultures have developed channels of conflict resolutions that are used by women and men to subdue ,prevent and put a stop to abuse in the marriage.Control and power struggle between men and women have been around since the beginning of times, are the men and women in these communities aware of the fact that they fighting for control and power ?
I feel like this article is full of good intentions but yet lacking in pragmatic analysis of a social phenomenon and in real facts. Do not get me wrong , the abuse is real and the societies,families and individuals involved are losing in the long run.
You should investigate a bite more the story of the different cultures in Nigeria, ask the logic behind the ” Sorry he is training you” not saying that it is right, but understanding of the what and why is the first step towards intelligent problem-solving.
Also please can you give us more example of how gender inequality points its ugly head in the culture(s) of Nigeria?
Cordially,
Misi | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
@Frederic – The title is African Culture and not African religion thus the religion specifically mentioned here is not limited to Africa. Also my research is based on the little documentation on abused women in Nigeria. Check out my link.
The word culture is not limited to tradition it can also be synonymous with society. So when I say culture it means “Nigerian” society thus not limited to a particular tribe.
About the gender inequality in Nigerian culture – it is still very visible everywhere in Nigeria but inequality doesn’t equate to abuse [and the write up doesn’t state that it does]. Anyway I wouldn’t expect you to understand because judging by your name you are probably male so it is news to you.
@Ms Omo-T, you might want to read the book “Princess” by Jean P. Sasson [a very interesting book] which sheds light on the religion adopted in the northern part of Nigeria and also explains the opening paragraph.
Omotaylor | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
Dear Misi, Like I pointed out to Pammy in one of my comments to her post recently, I beleive making generalised assumptions while referring to particular situations does cause confusion and does not butress the real point raised in an argument. If in the North this is the case, then maybe it is better to concentrate on the North. If this same religious issue does not affect the generality in Nigeria, some people may not relate to it. In this wise, I see some points made by Frederick above as valid.
pamelastitch | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
Al I can say is this: Violence against women is real and it happens all over Africa. Sitting down and playing with words does not take away from the reality of the situation.
Misi was right in saying that when certain situations occur the woman gets punished while if we are being fair both parties should pay the price.
Major religions in Nigeria (Christianity and Islam) talk about respecting your husband and often times this respect is taken to the extreme and power hungry men get away with treating their wives, girlfriends and significant others like pieces of trash. Many women accept it because they have been instilled since childhood to RESPECT and HONOR their husbands.
Misi is right: A lot of men need to learn how to RESPECT the women in their lives. Times have changed. It is time for women to start saying ENOUGH!!
pamelastitch | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
hmmm….I know fred will have a comment to make
Frederic N'sienie | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
@ Pamela, Yes indeed, I will not let us go the route of the evil men this .. the evil men that… Abuse does exist but it is not just men that abuse or practise gender inequality.
Women do the same, it just expressed in a different manner,women are human beings and like any human being they have a need to control and regulate in a way that serve their desire to receive for self.
Men might use force in some cases, but women will use smarts and cunning.
@ Misi
“Anyway I wouldn’t expect you to understand because judging by your name you are probably male so it is news to you.”
First of since Men abuse and mistreat women, it would not be news to me , I a man after all and I have done my share of abuse and mistreatment[ just kidding of course, i am the nicest of them all].
Practisingof what you are figting against can not and will bring about a positive outcome. I concur that Violence against women is real and prevalent in some African communities wether they hide behind religion or tradition to assert their power over women.
I am just asking you to be watchful over the words you use, because it becomes a generalisation of located and isolated cases. They are over 400 million individuals of the female gender, how many living non waring areas are victims of abuse ? Not they are not, I want us to discuss based on facts.
Then I want us to look at the value systems and cultural patterns that allow such a reality to exist.
Nigerian society, s you mean to tell us that most Nigerian cultures share the same value system and cultural paragdims that leave the door open for abuse of women and gender inequality ? Could you expand on theses values and paragdim ?
Talking about religions, What do the Bible and the Koran say about love ,fellowship, family and your spouse ? I do not think they tell you to beat,abuse,manipulate and humiliate your spouse,wife or women, at least not the versions i read.The same books talk about respecting your fellow human being, your mother,your wive etc..
The need to RESPECT and HONOR you husband must be instilled in these young women[ future mothers,wives,leaders,girlfriends], it is a good thing. The need to RESPECT and HONOR your wife must be instilled in these young men[ future fathers,husbands,leaders,lovers]
Now if some men hide use these religions as a false excuse,then that what needs to be pointed out.
I agree with you that education is needed, but it would be on both parts, Men or women should not mentally or physically abuse one another.
So I guess what we all hope for are more cohesive and productive socities, but knowing the nature of Man and the emotional,psychological,sexual,mental shortcomings we have, it is going to be challenging journey, an interesting one though.
pamelastitch | Nov 29, 2007 | Reply
“Men might use force in some cases, but women will use smarts and cunning.”
The problem is with Men who use FORCE!! Women using smarts and cunning – does not physically or emotionally hurt anyone!!
SOLOMONSYDELLE | Dec 4, 2007 | Reply
How interesting to see that I am not the only one looking at women and their issues this week. We are currently talking about how sexism affects women in Nigeria in the form of polygamy. That practice is fueled by religious/cultural preferences that in my opinion need to be reexamined and quite frankly abandoned.
As for domestic violence, I cannot stress enough how important it is for mothers to raise their daughters to not condone any form of abuse be it physical, emotional, mental, verbal, whatever! Mothers, in conjunction with fathers must treat their sons to treat ALL women with respect. The best way to achieve this is for fathers to treat their wives properly and for wives to treat their husbands properly as well.
If not, there will simply be a non-ending cycle of violence and none of us wants that, do we? Let me go simmer down…
ANONYMOUS | Feb 12, 2008 | Reply
All I can really say about this is that, violence against women is very harsh. I’m a 16 old with a 1 month old child. I got into this situation because my boyfriend peer pressured me into having sex with him without protection, you may well say he kind of forced me. I’m still in school and I love my child with all my heart. but i also understand that this is so cruel. How could a man beat a woman because of the way she feels and just because she wants to speak her heart. This type of stuff is still going on today and i hope that someone does something about it. The way men are still abusing woman is wrong to human nature. I would think someone like a president or a vice president would do something about this cruelty. BUT NO ONE IS..