Bride Price

By Edward Echwalu

A man gets a delegation of about 10 or more who by society standard are the best bargainers.

On the lady’s’ side, the family selects its out standing bargainers at the same time.

A date agreed upon by both parties through mostly exchanging formal letters is set which the mans’ and lady’s families get to negotiate the price.

In my Kumam culture, negotiations are done from the lady’s family. In order to take care of the visitors, the man’s family normally sends in advance ‘some help’ to the lady’s family.

On arrival and embarking on business, no one in the mans’ delegation is allowed to taste even a sip of a rain drop.

Unlike today, in the 1980s and early 90s, grassed thatched tents were erected from which the mans’ family is ushered into. Plastic tents are used today.

But first. Before anything can make way, the girl is brought to the tent to identify the visitors to avoid situation of a mistaken bargain. The gist here is to let her family know that someone she loves in around the table and so negotiations can go on.

Depending on the family, negotiations may take the shortest period or just the exact opposite.

Take note; no lady is supposed to attend this procession. Ladies are grounded around the Kitchen to preparing something for visitors and also to keep the girl as scarce as the ladies can.

While she goes cooking, the bridegroom to be is also being counseled and advised by women elders.

When they come to a consensus, a date will then be set for the day to come and pick items agreed upon. Cows, sheep, goats, money, hoes, pangas, millet, sorghum, maize flour, among others are included in the bargain.

However animals and money dominate proceedings in bargains.

A huge ceremony is held in which the mans’ family fulfills the agreements. And officially, the lady is legally married and is taken to her new home by the visitors who in this case are her husband’s family.

Turning her back on her former family, on a typical traditional marriage, she’s escorted to the best bicycle reserved for her which came empty just for her. Covered with normally white sheets, she’s sent away with loud cheers from the ladies.

Well, now that she is married, is all going to be heaven? Apparently, it has turned out to be more than just marriage. A ticket to buttering.

In Uganda, we have quite a number of marriages which are constitutionally accepted and it is only in a customary marriage where all cultural obligations which pertain to marriage must be complied with according to the cultural practices of the woman of which bride price is the essence of the matter.

The issue of bride price today is controversial. While the main intention initially was a token of appreciation to the girls’ parents, men have taken it in a completely perspective.

Surprisingly, Uganda’s Attorney General supports the idea of payment of bride price saying: “bride price is intended to show appreciation to a woman’s parents for taking care of their daughter.”

Because the man scratched too much in trying to come up with the exorbitant price that the lady’s family set, the women are then taken as revenge platforms.

Most Ugandan women have been turned into drums constantly facing the beating from their husbands.

While many activist in Uganda are fighting has to have women’s emancipation on the ground, a lot is still desired.

Women activists for example have from 2004 been raising the Domestic Relations Bill in parliament which still has not been approved.

The DRB is a crucial legislation for Ugandan women which addresses property rights and draws a line in terms of what bride price is meant for.

In it, bride price is not prohibited but as a compromise measure, bride price will not be prohibited, but the payment of bride price will no longer be essential in the formalization of customary marriages and any demands for the return of “marriage gifts” will be an offense.

Attempts to increase in the consent of Ugandan women who are often
‘Sold’ for bride price by their parents is still at record lows especially in rural areas.

The laws may be there but poverty will keep sustaining this African version of marriage.

Many families can hardly take care of their daughters and therefore just to get a few fortunes, ladies are often let go with the slightest of sign. More worrying, they are ‘sold’ young.

Illiteracy still keeps the practice alive as many women do not know they are protected. The existent laws are the enjoyment of the literate few who with comfort fight less for the majority marginalized.

The fear for being single mothers is still looked at with a side look in Uganda. Many women culprits have thus kept on fetching the beating just to protect not only their rocky marriages but their pride as well.

Bride price has lived throughout the African history and it may be too early to call it off. The question then arises; what closest traditional alternative can keep bride price on the sidelines.

Image credit: www.insideafricanart.com

Author’s bio:
Edward Echwalu blogs at “Illegar a ti…. http://echwalu.blogspot.com/