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Interracial Marriages: To Be or Not To Be
Posted by: Ugo Daniels on July 29, 2007 Under: Africa, Discussion Lounge, Feature, Life & Culture, People
Muti This
Almost anywhere you go these days, you will encounter mixed-race couples: at the grocery store, the mall, the theater, at a company function, at a concert, even at church. And while for years the Black man-White woman couple was more prevalent, today many social observers say that the pairing of Black women and White men is just as common.
Interracial Marriage, also called Miscegenation occurs when two people of different races marry. It’s a form of exogamy-marrying outside of one’s social group. The specific reasons behind the escalating trend of dating and mating across color and racial lines vary from individual to individual. Some Black women say they were attracted to their White spouses because they had found it difficult to meet Black men on their social and income levels. Others say their mates treat them well and share common interests.
Some people seem to simply prefer to date people of another race. For instance, Robert DeNiro has had two Black wives and has dated a number of Black women, including models Naomi Campbell and Tookie Smith. O. J. Simpson continues to demonstrate a preference for White women, and Whoopi Goldberg consistently dates White guys. Even former U.N Sec. General, Koffi Annan married a white woman.
While interracial mating is more accepted in today’s society, there nevertheless are stereotypes and other negative aspects to be considered. Society in general has a history of frowning on Black-White marriages, and despite integration elsewhere, many people in the White as well as the Black communities do not approve of integration in the bedroom. In many cases, couples who fall in love and marry outside their cultural group are disavowed by their families, shunned by friends and insulted by strangers. A story on Askmen featured one Black woman who is married to a White man tells how she and her husband were greeted with the proclamation, “Remember O. J.!” when they encountered a group of Black youths.
Pamela, a blogger and Africanloft author says ‘Dating outside ones culture is hard and if you feel that you do not have what it takes to do it - i say choose the safety of your own ethnic group’ So many people seems to share similar views with her on this. Skin color has long divided people. The prejudice of racism is world-wide, even today. Some people believe that interracial marriages are prohibited in the Scriptures. Often they will argue that marriage with foreigners (implying people both of different culture and color) was prohibited throughout the Old Testament. In trying not to sound like a religious fanatic, one shouldn’t forget the story of Rahab and Ruth, Gentile women of faith; they were both accepted into the community of believers (they are even in the genealogical line of Jesus). There are absolutely no grounds in either the Old Testament or the New Testament to prohibit interracial marriages. Thankfully, God does not judge humans by mere external appearances. Though humans have a tendency to judge people by how they look, including their skin colour, God does not judge us by colour; He judges the heart. The beauty of God’s judgment is that he is “no respecter of persons.
Opponents of interracial dating contend that those who date or marry outside of their race are betraying their families and abandoning their cultural heritage. Many Black women feel betrayed by the Brother who marries a White woman, especially those who show a preference for other women. The problem is exacerbated by Black men who exclude Black women in favor of White women due to what some call “racial brainwashing.” Black women are annoyed, to say the least, by Black men who say they favor White women because Black women are “not as feminine,” “too strong,” “too demanding,” or “sexually uptight.”
In addition, many people assume a White man is with a Black woman because of her sexual prowess or that he thinks he owns her. They assume that a White woman is with a Black man because of his sexual prowess, or that he is attracted to her because she represents the “forbidden fruit.” How true is this? In reality though, some relationship therapists argue that many Sisters end up dating and marrying White men because they have difficulty meeting and connecting with Black men. They say many Black women, especially college-educated, professional Black women, believe there is a shortage of Black men on their income and status levels and since the need for commitment is calling, they want to find a man who they feel will love them. They realize they have to look elsewhere if they want to start families.
Proponents of Interracial Marriage also argue that that interracial romance is a step toward eliminating racial hatred. Needless to say where exploitation and anger have separated the races in society, an interracial family called by God is a compelling example of the gospel of reconciliation. Racism will have to be bred out. We can’t make ‘policies’ to change it. And certainly in an interracial relationship the children are raised in a climate of tolerance. The rising incidence of interracial children will eventually lead to a society where race will no longer matter because everyone will blend into one race, the human race. More importantly, assert many supporters of interracial relationships, including the author of this piece, colour should not matter when it comes to love. They echo Martin Luther King Jr.’s famous sentiment that people should be judged not “by the colour of their skin but by the content of their character.”
The debate over interracial relationships is controversial because it touches on the sensitive areas of family, cultural heritage, religion, and racism. Therefore, one should thread carefully as society continues to struggle with the race issue. There are consequences that must be taken into consideration and gear up against.First, there will be opposition and condemnation from some people in society. Secondly, children of interracial marriages are sometimes discriminated against and teased. In fact, if you think about it, many forms we fill out give us the option to note whether we are “Black,” “White,” “Hispanic,” “Asian,” and “Other.” I guess that if you are the child of an interracial marriage (and therefore, multiracial), you are “Other’ Barack Obama, a US Democratic Presidential candidate falls into the last category of ‘Other’ having been born of a Kenyan father and an American mother. He has often been asked questions relating to his ‘racial mix’ Analysts say it may be his biggest menace as the race to white 2008 continues.
Thirdly, people from differing cultures have unusual differences to overcome. Often, intercultural marriages, more than interracial marriages (for not all people from different cultures differ in the color of their skin), encounter greater difficulties within the relationship. Cultural practice and prejudice is often more difficult to overcome than is skin colour.Finally, as the old saying goes, when you marry the person, you marry the whole family. One must be prepared to encounter familial ostracization and condemnation, but like the biblical saying, one must be ready to put on the whole armour of tolerance that he/she can withstand the ‘darts’ from the ‘evil ones’
ME | Jul 29, 2007 | Reply
I believe that you misquoted Pamela. Your interpretation was out of context. She said dating outside one’s culture is HARD - it is not an easy walk in the park and if one does not want to deal with the wahala that comes from all that and wants a relationship in which there is complete understanding, no need for teaching anything…one should stick to one’s culture. In addition, in further comments that Pamela made, it showed that she was talking about the prejudice that exists amongst africans against each other…in fact, she said later on in her comments, that interracial marriages involving Africans tend to be easier than marriage amongst africans of different ethnic groups or regions. That was what most people agreed with.
Relationships on their own are very difficult and adding other factors can make it very, very difficult.
Others, reading this post should also check out
Experimenters vs knowers on pamela-stitch.blogspot.com
Akin | Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
In fact the most seminal point about miscegenation, a term coined in the 1880’s in America to the extent that over 30 states had laws banning these relationship, that it took the Supreme Court to declare this illegal in 1967.
BBC News 24 featured a documentary that featured the case Loving vs Virginia who were persecuted and prosecuted in the state of Virginia that the first sentence they received was for Richard and Virginia Loving to leave the state for 25 years.
More so, I read two books in a series by Frederick K.C. Price Race, Religion & Racism that showed how the church in America supported and propped up segregation, miscegenation and racial purity.
Some of the wording would leave you gobsmacked, one must also note that it took the State of Alabama the year 2000 to remove miscegenation laws from their law books.
Living in the Netherlands, I have seen quite a few interesting mixed race relationships and I am encouraged by the fact that many are solid, loving and edifying - long may they continue.
Akin | Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
Sorry, I could not edit my first edition. The couple involved was Richard (deceased/Caucasian) and Mildred (African-American) Loving. Not Virginia, a Freudian slip.
There was a film in 1996 called Mr. & Mrs. Loving and there are celebrations of that Supreme Court ruling called Loving Day.
Misi | Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
Marriage on its own is tough, talk less of interracial marriage. Interracial couples must take affirmative steps to make it work because they are merging two totally different cultures. I don’t care what color marries what, so long as they are truly informed about what they are getting into. For example, the extended family clashes, the cultural lessons and the outside world prejudicial remarks. Otherwise its the kids that suffer as result of any bad judgment they make in choosing each. Already these kids are struggling to find a sense of belonging with other black or white kids and it makes more complicated for them if they are from a troubled home.
Omotaylor | Jul 30, 2007 | Reply
The last paragraph in UgoD’s write up says it all for me. Interracial marriage to me does not bring first to mind the issue of colour vs colour. The difficulties and opposition hits more when it comes to race and what better understanding than to listen to all the arguments against interracial marriage lets say for example between and Ibo man and an Hausa girl or vice versa. It mostly boils down to intolerance, and this is noted especially amongst family members, not the lovers per se.Now if you think interracial marriage is difficult, then try interreligious marriages e.ge between a Yoruba man and a Hindi woman. Holy cow!!!
ejura | Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
There was this line that struck me in the movie Mr and Mrs Loving. I can’t quote it verbatim but the jugde said something like this:
“The good Lord made the different races and placed them on different continents so that they wouldn’t mix, marry blah blah blah”.
Maybe Christopher Columbus, Mungo Park and all those adventurers should have stayed at home then.
Interracial marriages are far from easy but i welcome and encourage them.
We’re more than our skin colour.
The heart falls in love with whoever it so pleases.
Tall women marry dwarfs
People who can see marry people who blind
The deaf marry the mute…
With the heart you can never tell. And if my heart jolly well follows after a white, yellow, pink, black man…so be it-we’ll paint a rainbow!
The good Lord made us all.
Demo | Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Is there a law that says YOU MUST NOT MARRY OUTSIDE YOUR RACE? Marrying someone from your race, knowing the potential character the person will bring to the table, understanding that you have almost gone through similar things in life. That alone for me is boring why not do something more interesting, I for one I support interracial marriages. There is absolutely nothing wrong with marrying someone outside your race. Our society today has created an atmosphere whereby people consider it as forbidden to marry someone from outside their race. Arent other people humans? we breathe the same air, do similar things, what is wrong with marrying someone you like or love? If you see a girl of another race dating and getting along great everything almost perfect to what your expectations are in a relationship. Will you forgo that and marry someone else just because the person you love is not from same race? Apparently love is selective if you marry only from your race. This is a crazy world we live in. Must we do what society wants us to do to fit in or do what we want to do to keep us happy? Marrying people from other races should be encouraged, at least we can all come to understanding what our differences are. Even if you marry someone from same race, you will still have to go through the same learning curve as marrying someone from outside your race.
In both situations you will still have to learn about the other person. I would prefer to learn from another person, a different culture, different environment. Just something different from what we are accustomed to is a great advantage.
There are a great deal of things to learn from people from other races. Dont be blindsided and just think about yourself and your race. well that is even if you know things about your race.
It is a crazy world we live in, people do crazy things.
Omotaylor | Jul 31, 2007 | Reply
Ejura - very well said. I echo your comments
america_via_london | Aug 1, 2007 | Reply
Personally i dont think race should have anything to do with the the decision of marriage. Things like culture, upbringing, religion, family, finances e.t.c matter more and anyone considering getting married should worry more about this things. That being said marriage between people of the same race is hard enough and i doubt if its any easier for an interracial couple. It boils down to the two individuals, they need to ask themselves if they are fully equipped to deal with whatever pressures marriage would bring. if they think they up to the task then they should go ahead and get married.
ejura | Aug 2, 2007 | Reply
I agree with you america_via_london. Race shouldn’t have anything to do with the decision of marriage. It is unfortunate that it does. And I think left to the interracial couple, they have what it takes to make a marriage work.What poses the obstacles and brings in the challenges is the society, the environment, silly laws imposed by individuals who never see the big picture, passed down to future generations…
And at the end of the day, this race issue boils down to skin colour, hair texture…
How can anyone think they are more superior to the other. At least sickness and disease have proved that wrong.
Black man dies of AIDS
White man dies of AIDS
Asian dies of AIDS…
We are all plagued by the same things.
Beauty | Aug 24, 2007 | Reply
“Even former U.N Sec. General, Koffi Annan married a white woman” does sound bigoted and Ignorant in 2007.
Jessica | Sep 6, 2007 | Reply
Yes, there you are. oh,,,, guys, you can not image what I have found. I just met my love half year ago and we will get married next month, and interracial love of course. Am I lucky? So lucky I think, and I wanna share my happiness with all of you here.
By the way, I found my half part baby on a great site. He is really gorgeous, even sometimes he is a liittle shy. -:) If you try, you also can be the next lucky one. LOL. Here it is http://www.interracialchats.com .
Bye!! and good luck to you all.
Judy | Sep 17, 2007 | Reply
As some of you know may know, I’m of Africa heritage. Hubby, on the other hand, is Caucasian. To most people, we’re an interracial couple. It’s nothing I really think about or notice, but other people (occasionally) comment on it.
As a result, I’m fairly sensitive to interracial dating. And I recently discovered InterracialMatch.com, an interracial dating website for men and women who are specifically looking for an interracial relationship. The site features people of all ethnicities, ages and socio-economic backgrounds, and it allows you to search by zip code for interacial personals.
The user friendly site allows members to send messages to potential dates, and you can join for free. The profiles include plenty of information, such as age, marital status, children, pets, music and movie preferences, political views and more. With this much information, it’s easy to find someone who could be a great romantic match for you!
Johnson Woods | Sep 20, 2007 | Reply
Kavron and I met just over a year ago on http://www.interracialfriends.com while I had taken a travel nursing assignment to California. I wanted to meet someone locally to hang out with while in the LA area and Kavron decided to take one last look! Our first date was August 10, 2006 at Venice beach.. our marriage was August 4, 2007 Waialua beach Oahu.Life is good!
Omotaylor | Sep 21, 2007 | Reply
Love conquers all and changes everything. Have a very happy married life Mr & Mrs Woods
Renee | Oct 1, 2007 | Reply
My mixed race, culture, country, economic standing, educational level, AND religion marriage has been thrilling and a headache. I’m always surprised by something I didn’t know or didn’t see coming. But that’s exactly why I did it. The US has become boring and non-stimulating and even though we are all different and look different, we all still do virtually the same things — go to coffee shops, well-mannered churches, drive to work in a pack. Our eyes all watch Walmart and McDonalds pass by as we endlessly drive to and fro. I’m white American woman married to an African man with deep integrity and a dedication to his own culture. We share. We teach each other. We fight. We breakthrough. It’s often crazy but it is alive with unique happenings every single moment.
Omotaylor | Oct 2, 2007 | Reply
Renee, well done. You seemed well prepared before going into your marriage to take the rough with the smooth and you have done well by standing by your man and accepting him for who he is and seeing and bringing out his good sides. I pray more women will be like you, me inclusive. Well done girl
Eleene | Dec 2, 2007 | Reply
I don’t know which part of the country the therapists are or how their analysis were conducted. What I know for sure is that more black women, especially Africans would quickly settle with a less successful, uneducated white male than the same for a black man. Why? I ask that all the time. The other thing that I find very baffling, is the ratio of blacks, male or female being in relationps with whites suffering from psychological issues; often, the issues are misinterpreted with being in love. Most of the times, it’s emotional dependency, chemical dependency or some sort of addiction that would quickly be recognized by someone in the same circle or upbringing. We as blacks, especially Africans, don’t discuss or have much knowledge about mental illnesses. Further, we don’t take the time knowing about our white partners family backgrouds as we do our own. These relationships are often entered with higher energies, everyone is fascinated about the other. I think people are also trying to impress a little more than we do with someone from the same race. A lot of things are usually hidden for longer periods, because, one wouldn’t know how to catch lies easily in another culture.
My comments are based on twenty interracial relationships observed in the last ten years, including my own.
black girl | Dec 11, 2007 | Reply
I find this article interesting. I am working on a relationship with a white male because we share common interests. I have dated black men in the past and I still think they are very sexy, but I’ve had enough of black culture and thus far it’s very fascinating and fulfilling on the other side.
kim | Jan 4, 2008 | Reply
God does not care about races. However do not forget it is him/her that created thoses races. We do not give ourselves the color of the skin or the length of hair.
If people prefer a partner because of the complex of superiority or inferiority based on looks or level of education I find that to be a bad thing.
It looks for me that for white/black couples it is mainly black males and females that work hard to be loved by whites. This only contributes to support the partially true stereotype that blacks are socially economically and academically inferior to whites in general.
Marriages within one’s race are still the standard all over the world.
Racial issues will be removed by justice and equal opportunity not by sex.
datingsadvice | Feb 11, 2008 | Reply
Online interracial dating could expand your horizons as you meet more diverse people. You may even want to try something new by meeting someone who does something you would like to know more about.
piedaterre | Mar 27, 2008 | Reply
I think that the world has become this huge melting pot and interracial dating has just taken it to another level. There will ALWAYS be problems in marriage, this just adds another shade(pardon the pun) into the mix. Ethnic cultures have dealt with this for centuries, ie Igbos cannot marry Yorubas, Sicilians cannot marry Italians, the English were discouraged from intermarriage with the Irish and vice versa. The bottom line is that our world as we know it is changing in some ways for better, and in others worse. I say yay ! for this change. Bring it on for the Eurasians, African - Americans (both ways, white on black, black on white, black on blacks…), and all the ‘others’ in demographic box. Will there be problems? Abusolutely ! but this was also said about the Civil rights movement and look at where we are today - A black (black on white, African American) and female presidential hopefuls. We HAVE come a long and still have a ways to go, but bring it on! IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE, and too bad for those who don’t like it, it’s not going away ! And no, I am not dating interracially but I would !
pammy | Mar 27, 2008 | Reply
LOL at piedterre, the excitement is definitely catching but I do not think that one should over look the difficulties that do exist when ppl decide to do something different. There are difficulties and there are adjustments but at the end of the day - if it is meant to be, it will be.
Pammy
pammy | Mar 27, 2008 | Reply
I would have sworn that I typed something here. Anyhoos, people doing things out of the norm are often faced with difficulties. The issue is, if both partners are willing and able to face the challenges that will arise from such a union and if they are - then good for them, but both partners have to be willing and able. But, I will say this - many Africans are dating outside their race more often these days.
ashley | Mar 31, 2008 | Reply
i love interracial dating. im am a mixed girl (dads black moms white) and i love white men