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Oscar. H Blayton
Bunmi Adekunle
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Ugo Daniels
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Oluwole Akindutire
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William J. Zick
Male infidelity: a curse or a curse?
Muti This
I was talking with my friend the other day and we were arguing about male infidelity. I’m of the opinion that men are worse cheats than women, though some people may not agree with me on this, especially males. Yet, the age-old question of why men are unfaithful is difficult to answer.Infidelity touches all types of people, rich or poor. For example: Hally Berry’s ex-husband, Eric Benet, was notorious for cheating on one of the most beautiful, successful women in Hollywood. What the heck was wrong with him? Another Hollywood superstar, Hugh Grant chose a street hooker for his sexual escapade even though he had the incredible looking actress Elizabeth Hurley for a girlfriend. Jude Law cheated on Sienna Miller.
According to one Hollywood polls I saw somewhere; Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith have the strongest Hollywood marriage. You know why? Fidelity. In another poll of over 133,000 women, 56% caught their man cheating red handed and another 36% suspected but didn’t have proof. This doesn’t say much for the current monogamy rates in our society.
However, truth be told, long-term monogamy is difficult for most men, even those that aren’t far away from their lady. However, it is not only men that cheat, but also women. Take for instance, Meg Ryan, who left her husband Russell Crowe for an affair. Statistics differ on who cheats more – men or women. Most statistics still say that men are more unfaithful but that may change in the future. However, if two people really love each other and want to be with each other, they’ll have the strength to withstand temptation.
Most husbands probably have the urge to cheat at one time or another. Many experts feel that an unfaithful man cheats because he is in an unhealthy relationship that already had existing problems. It would be interesting to know how many men who are in happy relationships are unfaithful. And this is so true!
However, what are the reasons men are unfaithful? Sometimes it can be a simple reason, other times a complex combination of reasons. Are unfaithful men simply insatiable sexually? Is an unfaithful man really controlled by his “privates” and not his mind? Sometimes, this one in particular gets me worrying so much. Bluntly put, are we being controlled by our d**cks instead of our head, eh?
Various statistics claim that the more attractive a person is, the more likely they will be unfaithful because their opportunities to cheat increase. However, just because you marry an ugly guy doesn’t mean he won’t be unfaithful. So, girls that run away from fine guys should do a rethink…lol!
Personally, I believe, cheating is an extremely selfish act. Men who cheat rarely think about their partner’s feelings when committing the act. Since a cheating man lacks respect for his lady, he is obviously much more likely to make moves on a sexy lady.
Sometimes having sex is the only way a cheating man can even achieve an emotional bond. Because of this, it isn’t surprising that when men cheat, many times their emotional needs are not met at all. Those cheating men that suffer from the guilt associated from the affair may experience a mix of emotions ranging from lashing out in anger, depression or being overly nice. It’s a vicious cycle and one that is hard to break.
It’s infra dignitatis to be associated with anything as bad as male infidelity. It’s high time we called a spade a spade and see what is bad as uncompromisingly so. Let’s take the bull by the horns’ by changing one at a time. This is not going to be easy at all but the fact that its for the betterment of all male species and nobody is exempt from its poisonous effects should be enough propeller to ginger and sustain us until victory is assured! Nuff said.
omotaylor | Jun 6, 2007 | Reply
Well said Ugo. I believe if men started off with wearing Chastity belts they would be more faithful. Some blame it on culture but as you rightly said it all boils down to selfishness, wanton lust, lack of control and greed. The end result almost nearly the same always - PALAVA
omotaylor | Jun 6, 2007 | Reply
Hope statistics are proven wrong. I particularly do not want to see an increase in immorality either on the male or female side. Please my women clan, dont cheat o.
Ugo Daniels | Jun 6, 2007 | Reply
Very well said there Ms Omotaylor, the fact that its end result is ALWAYS detrimental should be enough propeller to ginger and sustain us until chastity is enthroned once again in our societies…Amen!
Omotaylor | Jun 6, 2007 | Reply
Another advice I would give to those who engage in sexual immorality/infidelity (male or female) is that one takes stock. Divide a sheet of paper into two. On one side list all you have gained from philandeering and on the other side list all you have lost. This must be a negative or positive. For example if you have gained STDs,unwanted pregnancy, illgitimate child,list them on the loss side. Take account and see if you love the result. Time to clean up our individual acts and return to pure love, snity and marital sanctity.
Nkem | Jun 6, 2007 | Reply
It is an issue alright, yet so many women will just refuse to admit it. I know lots of cases (even my close friend) who’ll say something like: “I know he’s cheating on me; I just don’t need him to let me feel it and then we’re ok” or “He can cheat, but when my time comes, he must give me 100%”. Therefore, I think people’s attitude towards cheating should change before anything.
Point of correction about Will Smith: his marriage is based on honesty, not quite fidelity. As I saw in one of his interviews, he has an open marriage. So both partners can have sexual relationships outside their marriage as long as the other one knows (and doesn’t happen to often I guess
- though this still seems peculiar…).
omotaylor | Jun 7, 2007 | Reply
This Open marriage thing is strange to me O. Still dont think it is right. So will husband and wives now have to DNA test all their children to see who they belong to? Or it doesnt matter who the real father is? And what about the issue of transmittable diseases, and loyalty and so on. This new age things ideas on morality confuses me.
Helen | Jun 26, 2007 | Reply
Hi, two years ago I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me so I spiced up our sex life by getting him into a chastity belt, which I got from ebay. At first I used the belt in a game (boys like games) and now he wears it 24/7 until I want sex. The difference is I definitly know hes not cheating, hes more respectful to me and is gentle and kind all the time (probably because hes just looking for sex but thats ok because I still have the right to say no). In all ladies dont put up with cheating men get yourself a male chastity belt they are truely the best invention ever.
Ugo Daniels | Jun 26, 2007 | Reply
Great answers ladies. I’m really impresed!
wole | Jun 28, 2007 | Reply
i enjoyed the article. however i think there is more to it than the writer had identified. apart from the issue of selfishness i think spouses should spice up their sexuality (appearance) even more after marriage. some wo(men) in their 50’s still do cosmetic surgery to retain their good looks (if it comes to that)e.g michael douglas; stella obasanjo. men need to lose that flabby tummy, women need to loss that flabby thigh; we need to continue to do things that will sustain that initial attraction. we need more romance even after marriage. most marriage or relationship evolve from that initial bliss to almost a boring daily routine or ritual. this often makes one of the partners to look for that magic elsewhere, afterall the grass is said to always seem more lush on the other side; you would never know the difference until you’ve been there and once there, there is the tendency that you will always be lured to have another bite, the consequences often doen not count for much provided the fun was worth the effort.
Ugo Daniels | Jul 4, 2007 | Reply
Wole, i can see clearly where you’re coming from and you’re so spot on. An older friend (married) was lamented some months back that his wife is no longer appealing 4 months after they’re married. He complained she doesn’t take care of her self, both bodily and otherwise and he has stopped looking forward to coming home every evening. To worsen matters, he’s got a cute secretary in his office. Hope the marriage lasts!
omo | Jul 4, 2007 | Reply
i agree with wole completely on this issue. i will discharge any woman whether i’m married to her or not if any of my friends or acquaintances should mistake her for my mum or aunt!
Omotaylor | Jul 5, 2007 | Reply
Whatever happened to “for better for worse”?. Please communicate your feeling to your partners if there is any part of the ministry lacking and let them know the worst case scenario from the onset.
Ugo Daniels | Jul 5, 2007 | Reply
@Omotaylor, i think in some sense, the ‘for better, for worse’ shouldn’t be translated literally. Basically, what i’m saying is that there are some sins that are more sinful than others. The parties concerned should, in such cases talk it over and know what to do from hence, cos they say, once beaten, twice shy!
Omotaylor | Jul 5, 2007 | Reply
Dear Ugo, my comment was stricktly in response to Omo about discharging the woman if she’s mistaken for mum or aunt! and also for the comment about the woman who does not take care of herself both bodily and otherwise. As for the infidelity thing, for better for worse does not cover it o. The bible did say that the only agreed grounds for divorce is adultery.
pamelastitch | Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
can we simply beat them up?
lol
chastity belts do not work - a man that is determined will still do what he wants to….
End of tori!!
pammy
riversand | Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
Since we have identified that this is a widespread problem across all cultures as well as social status, there must, therefore, be a common cause particularly in men. Instead of slamming men, why don’t we focus on finding the underlying cause by first exploring whether it is within our nature/genes to cheat. Science does not support that aspect and neither does religion. But what researches agree on is that men tend to repress feelings while women express them. This is supported by the fact (or general statement within health practitioners circles)that “women get ill…men die”. Women report illnesses, men don’t and eventually disease takes it’s toll. Similarly, it might just be that men find it easier to engage in extra-marital affairs (cheating) as a way of searching that which they can’t find in their partner, but find it hard to talk about it. I can’t see a more logical explanation than that. Most women (particularly modern women) have become too absorbed into their careers and shopping so much that their b/f or hubby gets the “left-over” time. That s**ks. But having said that, a spade is still a spade and i’m by no means advocating for immorality. Although we can conjure up all sorts of explanations, we can never justify immoral behaviour.
pamelastitch | Jul 8, 2007 | Reply
lol!! river!!
shopping ko!! shopping ni!!
pls…….Men do what they do because they can, i do not know why we are trying to find excuses for them.
Pls,let’s do what i suggested in the first instance…that will take care of that right there….LOL!!
omo | Jul 9, 2007 | Reply
obviously it is inherent in some men and women to be promiscuos no matter the situation, otherwise how would you explain my friends wife who slept with the carpenter, a dirty smelly scallywag who lives in a batcher (shack)when she has a husband women would die to have. maybe the scientific dimension postulated by riversand could open a window into this topic. bo i don tire, 2nd base!